Hey David. You might try compressing, saturating or even de-essing to take the edge off the hats. Hell, sometimes I just mute them and go with the overheads, which might also want a little compression... Depends on the recording/tune... -Mike.
The MCDsp AE400 is something I would use after the fact...
It's am EQ Multiband compressor w/ Sidechain as well,,
You could probably do what you need without side too...
It has tight Que, and a nice easy to understand plugin...
You can raise or lower the frequencies, tight or wide que, and set the loud level.
As well as how much of those frequencies will be tame to what level,,,
Also, from another track detection using sidechaon, but for what you want, sidechain wouldn't be needed really,,,
All without sacrificing the over all sound, it's a very musical plugin.
Half as a joke, half true.. If your drummer hits his metal too hard then they are not loud enough in his inears. With the right monitor, your drummer will play his kit well balanced and.. maybe in time.